Tauriel Athelas
by xXCourageousXx
Summary: The death of one you love is never easy to bear, but having to bear the ghost of what could have been is even harder. Tauriel knows her feelings are real, but she finds herself trapped when her heart is shattered. Life has a way of offering second chances, though, and sometimes they reveal what you are truly made off.
1. The Burial

XxX

Tauriel stood with no light within her. The sun was placed high in the dome of heaven but even his rays could not warm her frozen heart.

Her dull, emerald eyes watched as the caskets were marched back towards the mountain. One in particular caught her eye and her breath sharpened, _Kili_.

Because she was an elf, she wasn't allowed any further than the crumbling gate. Her eyes followed longingly as they disappeared into the dark crevasse of their hoard.

_Buried in the ground, so far away from starlight, it's not what he would have wanted, _she lamented. As the others around her turned to leave, mostly men since Thranduil had called the elves away, Tauriel stood, shivering. The she-elf wasn't cold; she was broken, shattered.

"I could have…I could have Kili." She whispered to the wind, her tears stinging her cut up face, "I do." Tauriel finally answered his question, _If only I had told you when I had the chance._

"Tauriel?" Bard hung back from the procession and started towards her. Because he was the head of the new Laketown colony, he was permitted to go forward with the others.

Tauriel looked up quickly, falling into attention like a trained guard. Bard was a good couple inches shorter than her, but his kingly air commanded the respect for him.

"Will you not follow?" Bard asked, his dark eyes shifting towards the company as their torches started to disappear, "Surely you are allowed to follow, after all you had done for the deceased."

Tauriel looked over her shoulder to the few retreating elves that had come to send off the fallen King, "My people are not allowed to enter the mountain."

"So said Thorin Oakenshield, not Dain Ironfoot." Bard countered. Her gem eyes lingered on his gruff face, admiring his spirit.

"I cannot go down there." She replied, keeping her breathing even. No one, accept her once King and Legolas, knew of her attachment to the tall dwarf and she planned on keeping it that way.

Bard stepped forward, "Did you not hear what I said? You are welcomed in the realm of Ironfoot."

"It's not what he would have wanted." She whispered, her eyes looking down the dark hall. How anyone could live in a kingdom of constant midnight was beyond her.

_Mirkwood is just as dark, the forest is not that of my youth. Dark creatures roam our lands and he is just going to lock himself in his castle, letting the world decay and believing it can't touch him, _Tauriel thought cynically.

"Not what who would have wanted?" Bard asked, snapping Tauriel out of her thoughts, "Tauriel, who?"

"No one, my lord." Tauriel replied solemnly, "I should return with my people."

Bard reached out and took hold of her forearm, drawing her to a stop, "You are banished, remember, they are no longer your people."

Tauriel's heart stuttered, recalling her banishment and the abandonment of Legolas. With her parents gone and Legolas heading north, there really was no one left for her to return too.

She had considered heading towards Lothlórien. Lady Galadriel had always been kind to her subjects; surely she might take in the banished guard in her time of need. Or maybe to Rivendell, Lord Elrond had always been known to welcome wandering Silvans.

"Lady Tauriel," Bard broke the line of decency and took her hand, his friendship and compassion overruling his standing, "come, say your last goodbye so you can move on."

Tauriel looked up, reading the soul hidden within his copper eyes, _He knows._

Bard gave a small smile, trying to encourage her to follow as he started towards the entrance. Tauriel let him lead them and she became the first elf in hundreds of years to enter the threshold to the dominion of the King Under The Mountain.

Tauriel crept behind the man, trying to hide her tall figure even though she stood out among those gathered. A few dwarves glared, those who had heard of how she helped Kili made way and welcomed her into their circle. She stood in the center of Thorin's company, amazed how the dwarves protected her from those who wished her ill.

Dain gave eulogies for each, his eyes looking into each of his fellow comrades faces as he spoke. No emotion was hidden; tears flowed freely down his face as he praised Thorin and his heirs.

Tauriel clutched the stone in her hand, pressing it against her heart when he turned to Kili's final resting place.

"May they rest in peace until we are reunited with them once again." Dain ended. A song drifted from the far corners of the crowd until the whole cavern was filled with the sweet melody. The group filed out, leaving only a few torches to light the crypt.

Bard moved towards the door, giving Tauriel a moment alone. She moved towards the beautifully crafted tomb and let her slender fingers gently caressed the runes, which declared that Kili rested there forever more.

"If only I had been more diligent, you wouldn't have had to sacrifice yourself for me." Her long lashes flutter closed, concealing her pain, "If only I had told you when I had the chance…maybe that would have saved you." Her hand loosened around the stone and she gently laid it by the runes of his name, "I love you."

"You can't live in the past, Tauriel." Bard advised gently, treading carefully, for her grief was truly real.

She tried to settle her tears, "If I cross over to the Undying Lands, I will never see him again."

"You are Silvan, you don't have a choice between being mortal or immortal like the Half-Elves. Wishing that you had the gift of Man or considering what you could have done different during battle will not bring Kili back." Bard explained, "Death is not the answer. You are hurting, so it is good to mourn, but life does go on and there are still people to live for. I should know." He smiled, remembering his children. They had been his only source of comfort when he lost his beloved wife.

"I have no one." Tauriel forced herself to turn away and start towards the door. She wanted to run back, to rip open the lid and be buried beside him, but she willed herself not too.

"You are welcomed to stay with us and rebuild our city. We have many wounded and will need a skilled healer." Bard offered, keeping pace with her long stride. Tauriel nodded, letting him know she would consider his request.

She took in the fresh air, her eyes blinded by the noon sun. Tauriel had always hated being underground, she felt trapped and unable to breathe. She was born to be free and to have the heavens opened freely above her; sun, rain, snow or stars, it was all her safe haven.

"Tauriel." A stoic voice called. The once guard froze, knowing exactly who it belonged too.

Bard gave a gracious nod, "King Thranduil. Tauriel, I will take my leave." He excused himself and mounted his horse.

Once her eyes adjusted, she could make out the silhouette of her once King. Her memory recalled an image of the battle and him standing before her while she took aim with her bow and called him out. Of course she had already been banished, but her words only pushed the dagger deeper instead of help to build a bridge of forgiveness.

"My lord, what brings you to the West Gate?" Tauriel forced herself to bow, knowing she couldn't take meeting his eye. After she had defied him in front of his soldiers and basically said he was a cold hearted ruler, he had found her over the body and confirmed her love had been real. But, that didn't change the here and now and that she was simply a banished, former captain and he was still King of the Woodland Realm.

To think she had once been in awe of Thranduil as a child, to believe that he knew all. He had lived for hundreds, thousands, of years beyond her short age; of course she would never falter in her believe that he was omniscient. That is, she never would have before her battalion had come upon the lost dwarves.

That day Kili stumbled into her life had changed everything.

Tears threatened to fall at the memory, but she pushed them aside, refusing to show her weakness in front of him. She didn't trust him and she couldn't afford to have any more of her heart crushed.

Thranduil stood tall, regal like always and freshly cleaned from battle, "I came to give my respect to the fallen King."

Tauriel couldn't help the small smirk that spread across her rosy lips; Thranduil always was a diplomat first. He knew how to act so that he was assured of getting his way later.

_He lusts for those white gems like a starved man for food, _Tauriel thought.

"The procession has just ended, my lord." She replied, keeping her eyes lowered.

Thranduil started forward, his simple, royal robes billowing out around him. He wore no crown or jewelry. If Tauriel didn't know better, she would have thought he was no more than a servant in the King's House.

"I didn't come for appearance sake." Thranduil replied, "I came to bid the true King a peaceful rest and share a blessing of protection for those who dare to handle the cursed gold." Tauriel's eyes were tempted to look at him, having been caught off guard by his honest, and unselfish, response.

"Will you not even look at me anymore, Tauriel?"

The she-elf grimaced, knowing she would eventually have to look at him and that the time had come to. Her pained, guilt filled eyes looked up, meeting his regal sterling silvers, her chest constricted as she thought of Legolas, her best friend, who shared his father's eyes.

Thranduil stood with his head arrogantly high and his shoulders set back, "Thank you." A gentle flush warmed her cheeks; even though his tone was cool, she had lived long enough under the Sindar's care to know when he was relieved.

"Legolas, as you have no doubt learned by now, has gone north." Thranduil stopped before the threshold, his sharp eyes lingering on the dark expanse before him. Elves were natural weary of the dark, since legend held that the Orc race had sprung from elves that had lingered to long in the perpetual night, "You have disappointed me, Tauriel, beyond words. You have defied direct orders, disrespected my authority, threatened me before my soldiers, and led my own son astray." With each word, she grew smaller.

"Just is your banishment." Her words were weak, meaning nothing, and they both knew it. Even though she wasn't sure she meant what she said, she knew she had to lean on the side of caution. Thranduil held immense power and could ruin her chances at defecting to Lothlórien or Rivendell.

Thranduil nodded, pacing before the opening with his hands drawn behind his back, "Indeed. Despite all of your treacherous actions, however, I am willing to lift the expulsion and allow you to return." Tauriel looked up with wide, unbelieving eyes, could she trust her ears?

"Of course, there would be certain restrictions you are to adhere too." Thranduil continued, turning to his former captain. Tauriel's heart raced faster than a jackrabbit's; it pressed in the space around her and made it hard to think, let alone hear.

"You will not be allowed on the guard until I permit it nor will you be allowed outside the borders of the Realm. Last time you were gifted your status as Captain, this time you will earn it. You will obey every order, no matter how trivial, and you will not discuss your time outside of the Halls with those within. Do I make myself clear?" Thranduil stopped before her; the carved lines in his elven face hard while his tone remained firm. His silver eyes were his only give away; they still saw Tauriel as the young, unprotected she-elf she had been when she had come to his court, orphaned.

He had always favored her right alongside Legolas, given her preference over the others. So different had she been compared to the others in his kingdom, not just for her fiery hair but her strong, untamable spirit.

Tauriel had never been one for rules, but she had excelled at being Captain of the Guard. She had finally started to bring her youthful rebellion alongside the responsibilities of womanhood for a happy balance. She was still the same Tauriel he had always known, unbreakable and invincible, but she was maturing.

That is how the high King had believed things would be from then on, but that was not to be. The woman that stood before him had seen war and been torn down, she had been forced to grow up and life had taken its toll on the little, carefree girl he had once known.

The loss of the dwarf did something the loss of her parents hadn't; it had shattered her heart completely, the pieces scattered to the winds never to be gathered and fixed.

A long time ago, when Legolas or some other he-elf had upset her, the young Tauriel would come running to him, her striking hair decorated with the spring flowers. Thranduil would collect her in his arms and hold her close, keeping the simple troubles of her youth at bay. Nothing could harm her when she was in his arms, she had been certain of it.

Both of them thought of that time now. It was a different life; a better one, an easier one. It was the reason Thranduil now offered her a second chance.

But Tauriel was not the young elf child who could get out of trouble with a timid apology anymore, she was a woman who hand made her own choices and would now have to face the consequences alone.

Tauriel bowed her head, "I understand." The paths open before her tugged her in different directions. She could help restore Dale, she could move on to the next kingdom of her people, if they would have her, or she could go home. None of them seemed right – why should her life continue when Kili's had ended? – but with no one to advise her, she felt even more lost.

"I will give you time to consider your choices." With that said, Thranduil mounted his own steed, an unfamiliar one to Tauriel.

She lowered her eyes in respect, remembering that Faeneth had fallen in battle. Once she was assured he was gone, her feet started back to the camps. Dwarf, Elf, Man, and even the little Hobbit, were spending the night mourning their losses together as one of Middle-Earth.

_Lord Bard is right, _Tauriel thought, _I can't give up on life simply because I feel it has given up on me._

She stopped on the outskirts of the gate, looking to where each of the races where gathered. Her eyes wandered over each of the different tents; the regal, elegance of the elves, the make-shift ones of the men, and the dirt streaked, patched ones of the dwarves.

"The only question is…which path do I choose?"

XxX


	2. The Choice

XxX

There was no singing or merry making for their victory. Death weighed heavy on the living that night.

Tauriel rested on one of the fallen pieces of stone, her legs tucked under her as the stars scattered above her, "This is where you should be. Not locked away forever in the dark." She leaned back against the cool stone, numb.

Wandering eyes saw her heavy shoulders and dulling eyes. Though none knew the sources of her heartache, they saw her scars with easy, for Tauriel wore them like a cloak to conceal herself from the world's prying nature.

She walked like a beautiful shade through the camps, searching for that which was lost. Tauriel was drawing into herself and, when she shared a meal, of which she barley ate, she would look past the occupants of the once abandoned city as if they were nothing but a shadow.

Her sensitive ears caught the sound of the almost silent footsteps. Tauriel relaxed, trying to give off the appearance of vulnerability, _What is an elf doing in the camp of men?_

The young she-elf had decided to spend her evening half way between the men and the dwarves to clear her thoughts. Tauriel flirted with the hilt of a dagger she had stolen from a fallen soldier earlier that day, ready to strike.

"I do not mean to startle you; I simply wish to offer you a blanket." The elf, a male by the sound of his voice, called, "I am Annúndir of Rivendell."

"And how did an elf of Rivendell find his way here?" She inquired, gracefully sitting up and turning towards the intruder. The elf held a unique look, like she did; his hair was a rich, deep bistre and his eyes shone brighter than tanzanite. He was tall, compared to the men and dwarves, but average for an elf and was dressed in the traditional wear of a Rivendell soldier, "You are quite far from home."

"I could ask the same of a Mirkwood she-elf." Annúndir retorted gently, holding out the blanket.

"Thank you." Tauriel gave a gracious nod as she accepted the thoughtful gesture. She had left Mirkwood with nothing but her bow and arrows, which Thranduil had destroyed, leaving her with nothing to her name.

_If you return to the Realm, you can earn your place and that is worth more than possessions, _her conscious whispered.

Tauriel wrinkled her nose at the thought, _Is a name and a bed worth submitting to the list of rules I was given? I wouldn't even be free to leave the Halls. What is life worth if I am cut off from the stars? _

"I was sent by Lord Elrond to the Forest, in hopes that I might be of assistance to the dwarves. I learned of their escape once I reached the outer edge of your Realm." Annúndir explained.

Tauriel gave a gentle smile, curious if he had the gift of foresight, "How did you know we had the dwarves in our custody?" She began to unfold the blanket, for the first time feeling the chill of the night.

"Mithrandir sent a warning to the Lady Galadriel saying that he was forced to leave the dwarves on the outskirts of Mirkwood." He answered with ease, "Lady Galadriel was in Rivendell at the time and requested someone be sent to determine whether they received a warm welcome or not. I arrived at the gates just before the messenger from Laketown did with the news of Smaug."

"You are in the service of Lord Elrond?" Tauriel continued, her curious eyes shifting to her uninvited companion as he nodded, "He is well known for welcoming strangers from other kingdoms into his lands."

"Rivendell is a place of knowledge and acceptance. All peaceful elves are welcome in Lord Elrond's lands." Annúndir answered, "The same can be said for Lothlórien. But, distance will not heal the problems you face. One cannot outrun the scars of life or the consequences of one's choices." Tauriel nodded, knowing he had heard the rumors that stirred around the fires.

"They say that those that leave us are not truly gone." He continued, moving to sit by her now dangling feet. His shocking eyes looked out over the horizon, remembering the war, "Their souls become one with the stars, their stories taken to memory as they look down from above and guide us through life. They will always be with us." His compassion poured out, trying to bring the she-elf comfort as he shared in the sorrow of a stranger.

Tauriel nodded absentmindedly, the cool temperature of the night growing fiercer as it nipped and bit at her. She didn't realize how appreciative she had been towards the numbness until it was taken from her; now she felt too much and there was no escape.

"Who was he?" Annúndir asked, his voice softer than the wind.

The air burned her lungs as she inhaled sharply, "Not of our kind, so he will not be placed above." Tauriel replied, not wishing to say more. Her eyes drifted down, the memory of the stars too painful to face.

"Despite what you have been told, all those in Middle Earth – Elf, Man, Dwarf, Hobbit – are equal. Everything will come to a happy end, for evil will never reign victorious forever; just look at today if you need a reminder of that. The light will shine again." Annúndir finished triumphantly, his eyes lingering on the melancholy etched in her face.

Tauriel looked up; her eyes still distant but her lips softening in appreciation, "Thank you, Annúndir, for the blanket and the insight."

Annúndir gave an elegant nod of his head as he stood to take his leave, "Of course, my lady." Tauriel watched as he left, wondering what would have made him stretch out a hand of generosity to her, especially if he knew she had defied her King outright.

Tauriel laid back and recalled Annúndir's words, forcing her eyes to look onto the dust of diamonds across the sky.

"What do I do, Kili?" The tears started to trickle down her face like a newborn spring, which would only grow stronger with time, "Do I go back to what I once knew, allowing myself to be caged, or do I go on and face the unknown? I need guidance." She curled herself safely on the rock, taking care not to get close to the lip, "I need a sign."

XxX

Dawn broke, painted by the remembrance of spilled blood. The growing warmth of the sun stirred the she-elf from her dreamless sleep and she moved to get ready for the day.

"Tauriel!" A familiar voice called over the still slumbering camp. The Silvan looked up to see the Master of Dale making his way towards her.

"Lord Bard, what brings me the honor of your presence at such an early hour?" Tauriel asked when he was close enough to hear. With skilled hands, she folded the blanket and set it to the side before fluidly jumping down to greet the Master with a deep bow.

"No need for diplomacy, Tauriel, we are not before the Council." Bard smiled, trying to smooth his ruffled bedhead. One look at his clothes and Tauriel knew he had rushed to get out of bed, if he even went to one, that is.

His coppery eyes looked at her simple blanket and lack of supplies, "If you had needed a place to rest and a tent, I would have been more than happy to provide you with one."

"That is very kind of you, but I am happy to make do with the provision I have." Tauriel gave a civil nod before straightening back up, "How can I be of service to you, my lord?"

"A meeting has been called between Thranduil, Dain and myself." Bard explained, his unfaltering grin in place. Nothing ever diminished his spirit, which made him a strong leader, "I would like you to attend, not just as a mediator between our races but as a friend."

"Very well." She repeated, mirroring her earlier nod and keeping her head down as confusion knit her brow.

Of course she had spoken to the heir of Girion during her short stay before, and after, Smaug's attack but she hadn't thought much of it. It has been just that: short. Yet, here he stood, having advised her on the loss of one she loved yesterday and bidding her to attend a significant council today. Either the bowman was quick to trust or he saw something she did not.

Bard clapped his hands together, pleased with her quick response, "Good, we shall head there straight away."

The she-elf's heart raced. Pushing forth her courage, Tauriel stepped up with her question, "Why are you so kind to me?"

Bard stopped and slowly turned to her, "Because I know what it feels like to be lost when your heart is forever ripped apart, never to be mended together." He answered without fault, honesty smelting the copper in his eyes. Bard's memory of Thranduil blaming his need to intervene on the simple mindedness of Silvan elves clashed with the years of mockery he had faced because his ancestor's shot had been short, "And I know what it is like to be looked down upon because of what you are."

Tauriel found a deeper sense of respect for the simple man before her. To think an elf and a man had more in comment with one another than their own kin was unthinkable, but that was where they found themselves in that moment.

"Shall we?" Bard gestured towards the path, hinting at her to go first.

Tauriel reached up and retrieved the blanket, holding fast to one of the only material objects she had left, "We shall."

The elf forced herself to hold her head high as those within the camp stole glances at the pair, whispering behind their hands when they thought she wasn't looking.

_A banished elf and a restored monarch attending a meeting of the King who banished her, that will make for some interesting tales around the fire tonight, _she thought darkly, keeping her face clear of any emotion.

"Why has a council been called?" Tauriel asked when they reached the border of the elven camp.

Bard stopped with a small grin, his hand poised on the tent's flap, "It seems that Thranduil and I aren't the only ones to offer you a chance to start anew." That was all he offered before leading the way inside.

"Ahh, Lady Tauriel." The large, burly shape of Dain Ironfoot hopped down from his chair and started towards the young elfin, "We 'ave 'eard great things about ye and 'ow ye 'ave 'elped not only me kin but the citizens of Dale! Ye be not only a strong fighter but a powerful 'ealer as well!"

Tauriel started to pull back, not just for her surprise at seeing the dwarf lounging so casually in the Elven King's tent but for his ostentatious greeting and the vigor with which he took her hand and kissed it.

"I…I didn't do much to assist in either of which you speak." The dagger thrust deeper into her heart.

_I could save him from a Mordor shaft but not a simple orc, a race of beasts I have killed hundreds of, _she thought with guilt, _If only I hadn't gotten cornered…he'd still be here…if it were me in his place…_

"Y-your praise is unjustly given, my lord." Tauriel dropped her head, forgetting her manners as she tried to conceal her heartache.

"Tauriel." Came Thranduil's warning against her disrespect, knowing he had groomed her to behave better. The she-elf jumped, having been so caught up by the small dwarf to take note of the stiff King. A subtle flush warmed her cheeks as she looked back to the next in line.

Dain just took her slender hand into his gruff ones and smiled, "Aye, and 'umble to boot! She be worth thirty double edged axes any day in battle!" Tauriel wrinkled her brow, noting that most battle axes were double edged, anyway, and wondering why he felt the need to add the unnecessary adjectives.

"Ye must be wondering why we called ye 'ere, but, first, come, sit. Ye must be starved." Dain waddled his way back to the table and took his seat. Bard gave a small encouraging smile as he took his rightful place at the table.

Nervously, Tauriel followed. She had gone from a banished traitor to an honored guest overnight. Even though her thoughts worked quicker and more efficiently than any man's, she couldn't help but remain baffled at the uneven ground she now treaded, uncertain of what the next hour might hold, let alone the next day.

"Bard 'ere 'as told me about an offer 'e gave ye, to stay on 'ere in Dale and be a 'ealer. I would like to offer me encouragement for ye to stay 'ere as long as ye like. We, me people and I, would be grateful to 'ave ye in our 'alls." Dain smiled, his accent thick as he dug into his meal.

Tauriel's pulse grew, deafening her ears. The world was pressing in around her, backing her into a corner once more. She resorted to her past habits and looked to her King for a solution.

Thranduil sat, unfazed by the news, even though he hadn't known the dwarf's intentions. He had expected the Girion's heir to offer her a place, seeing that she had gotten his children safely out of the city before it was burned, but he hadn't expected such strong support from the odd little dwarf, nor for Tauriel to actually consider the offer.

Dain Ironfoot appeared to be missing the trait of his kind; to hate all elves before they said one word to him. Apparently, the dwarf preferred to base his judgments on one's character instead of race, an entirely different way of thought to the old Elven King.

"What do ye say?" Dain asked, leaning on the table.

Tauriel, who hadn't eaten in days, pushed her food aside, "I…" Her eyes lingered on Thranduil, knowing his offer had been an ultimatum. If she chose to side with the man and dwarf, then she would inevitably be banishing herself forever more, "I have not decided." She dropped her head once more, unable to look into any of their inquiring eyes.

Mirkwood was her home, but, with Legolas gone and the list of rules she was expected to uphold, would it be worth returning to?

Should she stay next to the Lonely Mountain, where the young dwarf, who had captured her heart, rested? Was she strong enough to face the memories and what could have been's day after day?

Or, should she venture on and see what life had left to offer her?

The smell of the fresh, warm food mixing with the air of an early winter filled her nose, reminding her of her inability to abandon those in need no matter their race. Thranduil could turn his back on wounded soldiers and starving children, but it's not what Kili would have done and it is certainly not what Tauriel could do now. She had been granted her life and she was determined to make it count.

Tauriel looked up, her path clear, "I am going to stay in Dale to help with the wounded for the time being." She saw the single wrinkle crease on the old King's brow as the other two celebrated her decision.

"Wonderful! Simply wonderful!" Dain chuckled, turning to Bard, who looked equally pleased with her decision. Tauriel could feel all eyes on her, one, in particular, she purposely avoided meeting. The gruff dwarf dropped down from his seat and waddled towards one of his men.

"I almost forgot." Dain turned back to Thranduil with an over-sized box in hand, "I know ye are planning on returning to the Woodland Realm this day and I wanted to offer this as a sign of good will between our people. The White Jewels of the Elven Halls." Tauriel gasped as he revealed the stolen starlight; never had she seen such crafted beauty.

_No wonder he lusts for them, _she thought, looking away so she wouldn't become entranced by their spell.

Thranduil gave a graceful nod of his head as he accepted the gift, "I am grateful for your generosity, King Dain. These gems are precious to my people. Our treaty is renewed and if there is any further assistance you require of me, we will answer your call." He replied as if rehearsed.

"We 'ave something for the Lady, as well." Dain turned once more to his servant and retrieved a sword wrapped in precious cloth, "It isn't much, but please accept it as a token of our appreciation for what ye 'ave done in protecting the true 'eirs of Durin."

Tauriel held the odd shape before her, her heart clenching_. _She would have known it anywhere, since she herself had been the one to retrieve the weapon and give it to Dain with the news of the youngest heir's passing. Not wishing to share her lost love with anyone, she had stayed strong, her face regal and unmoving, when she told the story of his selfless death.

"No matter where ye go, Lady Tauriel, ye will forever be known as a friend to my people and welcomed in our 'alls. Yer title will be Tauriel Athelas." The King Under the Mountain bowed to the lowly Silvan elf, confirming that it was one's character, not their race, that he judged.

Tauriel bowed back, not out of simple decency but because she truly respected Dain Ironfoot, "I am honored, my lord."

"We should go start preparations for the rebuilding. Winter is coming soon." Bard offered gently, seeing clearly that the high Sindar elf wish to speak with his once Captain of the Guard.

Dain looked between the pair, having not noticed the tension before, and followed after the King of Dale.

At first, Thranduil said nothing. He simple moved to pour himself a glass of sweet wine and took a sip, gesturing for his guards to leave them. Tauriel remained where she was, unmoving.

"You said 'for the time being'."

Tauriel looked up, "Excuse me, my lord?"

"You said," He sighed, for once, letting his frustration drip into his voice, "'for the time being'. What do you plan on doing once the wounded of the men and dwarves are healed?"

"I…I have not thought that far ahead, my lord." She replied, "I am considering heading west."

Thranduil gave a calculating nod and Tauriel winced, knowing he was silently listing what lay west and where she could possibly go.

_I rejected his offer, now he will ruin any chance I had at starting anew, _her heart started to race at the idea.

"And what about the wounded of our own people?"

Tauriel let her head drop, her eyes searching the earth for an answer, "There are many skilled healers in your Halls, my lord, they will take better care of them than my naïve hands."

"So you turn your back on your people." Thranduil damned, turning his back to her.

"I do not turn my back on my people, my lord." Tauriel defended, the anger searing her veins as she fought for control over her tongue, "I merely wish to help those in need that have nothing. We are a part of this world, surly we mean to stand with our allies like you said."

"It is interesting that you would choose to go west instead of north. I thought you would follow Legolas' footsteps." He commented, ignoring her words.

"There comes a time when we each need to follow our own path, to leave the familiar behind and explore the unknown." Tauriel replied, forcing her tone to respect the man before her, "Legolas has started his own journey, and it is my time to start mine." Her wisdom made her sound older than she was.

"I should have known that you wouldn't accept the offer to return with your own people when I had placed such strict regulations on you." Thranduil sighed, swirling the rich liquid in his goblet, "You never have been one to follow rules, nín elen."

_He hasn't called me that since I reached my 300__th__ year, _the young she-elf blushed at the old name. Her fascination with the stars had been sparked when she was but a girl. Thranduil had taken her and Legolas out to the highest mountain one night and told them the mythology of those above. Each night that followed, he would catch her out after hours, gazing up at the night sky, an action which earned her the name "my star".

"So you will be returning today?" Tauriel questioned, uncomfortable with the friction between their past and present.

Thranduil turned coolly towards her, his facade unreadable, "Yes."

Tauriel nodded as she tied the short sword around her waist and retrieved her blanket, "I wish you a safe journey, my lord. If you will excuse me, I should check in with the other healers and find where I am needed." With one last bow of her head, she took her leave, thinking she would never come face to face with the King again. Part of her was relieved that she would no longer be under his rule, while the hidden innocence within her mourned for the loss of what she had once known.

She strode through the elven camp with her head high, she wouldn't give them anymore to talk about than what they already had. Rumors spread swiftly enough of Tauriel, the banished guard of Mirkwood and friend of Dwarf and Man, staying behind. Some speculated that she was staying for the love of a man; others thought she wished to defy Thranduil further and had turned her back on her own kin.

None knew the truth, and Tauriel sought to keep it that way. Her love was sacred and hers alone, she wouldn't have it tainted by the hate of others.

She had just made it to the outskirts of the camp when she heard her name called. The she-elf turned to see Annúndir making his way towards her, riding atop a large mare. There was a knowledge in his eyes that was uneasy to look past; word certainly traveled quickly.

He dismounted with ease and started towards her, "I will be returning to Rivendell and I was curious if you wished me to carry Lord Elrond a greeting for you." The mare continued forward to Tauriel, even after the guard stopped.

The horse nuzzled her face, requesting attention. Tauriel laughed and took hold of her bridle, "And who is this?" Horses had always been known as friends to the elves, but the Silvan elf had a particular bond with the majestic creatures. They weren't just weapons in war or an ease to their work, they had souls like every living thing and were to be mourned when their time came.

"Tirnel." Annúndir ran his hand over the mare's side, "She has been my companion for years and road into many wars with me. I can trust her like none other."

"Star Gazer." Tauriel defined her name as she brushed her dark blaze. Stepping to the side, she ran her fingers through the thick, coal mane and down the blue roan of her coat, "I wish I had a trusted companion such as her."

Annúndir smiled, "One day you will. Which brings me back to my original request; do you wish me to greet Lord Elrond for you?"

"Yes." Tauriel replied, braiding a few strands of the mane, "Please greet him in my name, and tell him that I wish to visit his peaceful kingdom someday." She patted Tirnel on the neck and smiled, feeling like, for the first time, she had someone directing her steps.

"I will." Annúndir bowed his head, "May Eru shine down on you and give you peace, Tauriel."

"As to you." Tauriel mirrored his action. She stepped back so he could mount and rose her hand to bid him farewell as Tirnel trotted towards the gate.

She held to the blanket, praying it wouldn't be the last sign of friendship she would ever receive from her kin.

"Excuse me, miss." Tauriel turned to see a young dwarf, not as tall as her waist, shifting nervously from foot to foot, "Would you care to come share breakfast with us?" The blush warmed the round face of Ori, his coal eyes looked uneasily around as the elves stared with open curiosity.

Tauriel smiled, knowing that her reputation among them mattered not, "I would love too." The small dwarf's face lit up and he started to chatter mindlessly as they walked through the tents, back to the camp of the dwarves and away from those of the elves.

XxX


	3. Thirty-Three Years

XxX

**A/N **– _While writing this chapter, the entire plot I was trying for fell apart. To those of you who were hoping for a Thranduil/Tauriel, I apologize. The story inspires the author and I feel like I need to write about a sole character, for a change, who finds themselves on their own apart from finding the one. In real life, love doesn't fix us or complete us – it's a divine treasure created to compliment us when we are the best we can be, when we find out who we are when we are forced to stand on our own. A partner isn't the sun of our universe; they are our helpmate in life, we each give and take equally._

_No hard feelings if you unfavor or stop following, I'm just sorry for the drastic change in plot. If there is any interest, I might continue the story on to what Tauriel was doing during LotR._

_I wish you all blessings on your life's journey!_

XxX

It had been thirty-three years. Thirty-three years since Tauriel had left everything she had once known to follow the dwarf. Thirty-three years since she had refused the lifting of her banishment and turned her back on her homeland.

Times had changed, the world had changed, yet Tauriel still looked the same as she had the day she lost Kili. Though she looked the same, her once fiery spirit had tempered with the years and grown in maturity. Living among Men had a way of humanizing elves, making them almost desire mortality.

_Bard_, the thought plagued her as her back faced the now restored city of Dale, her beautiful emerald eyes refusing to steal one last look.

After the Battle of Five Armies, Bard had bestowed the title of the King's Adviser upon her. But, apart from her dwarven title, she preferred to be known simply as Bard the Bowman's trusted friend then adviser to the King.

Other than Kili's, the death of Bard was the only other life that weighed heavy on her soul. Through all the wars she had faced, even the death of her parents, no loss could crush her more than that of the mortal dwarf and man.

The curse of long life was seeing all the other lifetimes that passed one by. What if's became a way of life after the first hundred years, sorrow became nothing more than another weight to bear.

Tauriel's soft lashes fluttered closed, concealing her gem eyes as she remembered the pain of her past.

She had been there when Bard had fallen, seen as the healers rushed to him and took him away from his throne. She was the one that had been in his room as he dictated his last will and testament, setting his son, Bain, up as King.

After the death of her short lived love, she had promised Kili's memory that she would never forget him. Her loyalty walled her heart off, keeping those around her at a safe distance.

Bard was the only one that was gifted accessed to her closed heart, since he too knew the pain of stolen love. Through the years, they had created a bond that none could break – built upon equality and trust, mutual respect and having the other's back. Never had a friendship been more honest and true.

When the end was nearing, she had expected him to dismiss the council so that they could have one last intimate moment together. What she hadn't expected was his confession of love for her and the regret of never acting on it. The shock had stiffened her, causing her to pull back and drop his hand.

He had laughed, like he was a young man again, and explained that was why he never confessed his secret to her; though he had shared every other part of his life with her. That, and the fact that her friendship was worth more than anything else to him, a treasure he wasn't willing to chance losing.

Then, he told her what she needed to hear: she was free to go now, with his passing. He wouldn't make her promise to stay and guide Bain in his ruling. It was time for her to discover herself; too long had she lingered in the shadows of the past, it was time to seek the light of tomorrow.

The only promise he asked of her was to keep his memory alongside Kili's, to smile when she thought of her years in Dale. It was a promise she readily agreed to.

She had been there, by his side, with Bain, Sigrid and Tilda, as Bard drifted from this world to the next. Tauriel had done what was expected of her as the King's Adviser, following the rites and traditions of Men.

Only when the citizens were burying their beloved King, and she was comforting his grown children, did the she-elf realize her budding love for the man. Of course the love of friendship was there, but, if she were to stoke the embers, it could have caught and become something more.

In the deep chambers of her heart, she had always known he was but a man, a mortal with his years numbered, and that his time would come sooner rather than later. Purposely, she had ignored the stoking fire in favor of quenching the pain of another lost love. Not to mention, her self-inflicted guilt of betraying Kili's memory.

Tauriel had stayed as long as she was needed before informing the newly crowned King of his father's wishes for her to leave.

As the young elf neared the edge of Dale, where the kingdom met with the Lonely Mountain, her mare slowed. Whether the pony paused from habit or weariness of her load, the elf couldn't be sure.

"Broom, what is it?" Tauriel asked, stroking the rich, dark hair of the horse's mane as she stopped, refusing to go any further.

Broom shook her majestic head, her white socked hoof kicking up the ground. Only then did Tauriel look up to see where their feed had taken them as her thoughts drifted.

The elf dismounted with ease, her hand running over Broom's charcoal pelt, "Erebor." There were the grand stone gates; signally she had crossed into dwarven territory, "How did I end up here? I swore we were headed in the opposite direction." She asked, not expecting a response from the horse.

As she walked the perimeter, she came to stop before the statues of the heroes of old. The small memorial garden was a tranquil place she had spent many an hour in throughout the years. .

Her blush still warmed her face whenever she caught sight of her own image, crafted out of smooth marble, which stood guard alongside the other protectors.

Her swift feet made way towards the reason she always sought comfort outside the gates.

"It is his perfect likeness." She whispered, her slender fingers brushing the runes that spelled out his name on the base of the statue, remembering the playful youth of his eyes and the cheeky smile that never left his face. The statue was carved without the innocence that the true Kili held, but it was the closest she would ever get to seeing the dwarf again.

At times, when hope seemed dim, she would come and sit by his feet, talking out her problems until she had come up with a solution. Other times, she would come out, under the light of stars, and lay in the grass, gazing at the always shifting sky and pretending Kili was there to talk to, like he had been that night so many years ago in the dungeons of Mirkwood.

"How odd of an elf I am. First, to fall in love with a dwarf and give up her kin for Men, now to mourn the loss of a statue more than those I leave behind." Tauriel smiled, sitting on the base of the piece. Her brow perked when she caught sight of something that hadn't been there the last time she had been.

A beautiful green plant had sprouted along the marble dwarf's feet; delicate, white flowers were sprinkled throughout.

Tauriel plucked a handful and pressed it against her nose, "Athelas." Her eyes closed, her nose still filled with the soft smell, "Where did you come from?"

Her eyes shifted around the small garden, but the only place the King's Foil grew were along the statues of Kili and herself, which Dain had chosen to place next to one another.

Through her tears, her smile grew even more, "These were not planted by mortal hands." She pressed the herb to her chest, her long lashes closing off her tears, "Thank you, Kili." She inhaled the scent once more before standing to retrieve a bag to collect some for her travels.

Tauriel tucked the treasured package carefully in her riding bag and moved to mount her mare, letting her eyes linger one last time on the carved images, "I cannot stay, but I will forever be at peace because a part of me will remain next to you. At least until time takes its toll, like it does – all ruins were once admired pieces of history. Treasured, immortalized lives until they became nothing more than a legend."

"Lady Tauriel Athelas, Adviser of the King! Surely ye aren't going to go without a proper dwarven send off, aye?" A familiar voice boomed, echoing off the expanse of the mountain.

Her horse, always at ease and never able to be startled, simply turned so her rider could meet the source of the voice, as if Tauriel needed to see Dain to know it was him that spoke.

She smiled and inclined her head with respect, "Of course not, but I thought you were off visiting the Blue Mountains for the festival."

Dain came up and stroked Broom's coarse mane, "Aye, I would be but a raven told me that ye would be leaving soon."

As she stepped down from her saddle, Tauriel kept her head bowed, "I meant no disrespect."

"Aye, of course not, of course not." Dain waved away her formality and instead stepped up with a leather wrapped token, "We made ye this for yer journey."

Tauriel took the gift, her eyes brightening as she untied the silver twine. Elves were not easily caught off guard by beauty, having always been abundantly surrounded by it through the centuries, but the stunning cuff caused a gasp to escape the she-elf's lips.

"King Dain." Her eyes sparked as the last bits of the day's sun caught the stunning gold of the thick bracelet.

Unknowingly, Tauriel had started to hand it back to him, but Dain simply pushed it back to her, "It is a gift, between friends. Those of us left from the war will eventually dwindle down as the years go by, we need to stick together – to remember." He patted his hand over her closed one, his tears threatening to spill over his red beard, now streaked with grey.

Tauriel slowly opened her hand, bringing her other up to outline the craftsmanship of the familiar runes.

Dain smiled, trying to break through his show of weakness, "So ye remember to return one day."

Tauriel looked up, her emerald eyes mixing with those of the coal embers of the dwarf, "It's my home, of course I will."

"Good, very good." Dain released her hand, in essence, giving her his blessing to leave, "Safe travels, Tauriel Athelas."

Without further delay, she secured the cuff on her shooting arm and pulled herself back onto her horse, "Till we meet again."

"Till then." He rose his hand and she followed suite, "And, might I be so bold but to say that the traditional dwarvish 'air styles looks stunning on ye, me lady."

Tauriel's cheek warmed at the compliment, her smile pinching her face, "To bad I have not been able to grow a beard, though."

Dain burst out in a deep, hearty laugh, his hands resting on his rotund belly, "Aye, I will miss ye."

"And I you." Tauriel bowed her head in sincere respect. When she looked back up, she caught sight of those of Erebor filling out of their safe hold, baskets of flowers in hand.

"May the road be smooth and the stars shine bright on yer journey, may the sky be dry and the friends ye meet along the way be true. I 'ope ye find what ye are seeking." Dain blessed, taking hold of Broom's bridle and leading them down the growing line, as the city's occupants threw flowers before their way.

Tauriel made sure to meet every eyes as they walked down the aisle, hoping to let each of them know that she would never forget their kindness. Women smiled and waved, a few curtsied. All of the men inclined their head in respect of the she-elf as she passed them by.

"Remember, Tauriel," Dain called as he let go of Broom and stayed behind, "ye are always welcomed in me peoples' 'omes, for whatever ye need and no matter 'ow far from the Mountain ye are!"

Tauriel smiled, the shimmer casting off the pure bracelet and illuminating her face, "I look forward to coming home someday soon." Her eyes cast one last longing look back to the stone garden, pulling back Broom so she stopped.

"I will take care of 'im for ye lass, but ye need to go for yerself right now. Go now!" He shooed with love.

She gave a watery smile and steered her horse back down the path. Once she was clear from the citizens, she lightly pressed her heels into the mare's side and they took off, neither looking back.

XxX

The dark trees loomed before her and the she-elf couldn't help but wrinkle her nose; Mirkwood. The woods haunted her dreams, the kingdom, long ago stowed away deep within the dark ground, gnawed at her inner being. Though she hadn't been near the border since she had turned her back on it years ago, it always held her nightmares captive.

The night was growing, she would have to make camp here or risk spending the dark hours wandering the once familiar paths of the forest.

"We should stop here for tonight, Broom." Tauriel dismounted and landed with an almost silent thud. Within minutes, Broom was unsaddled and their small camp was made.

Broom made her way towards the saddle bags, years of traveling with Tauriel had taught her exactly which side held the food

"Patience, patience, you will eat when I eat." Tauriel smiled, gently pushing her snout away from the little food they had packed.

The elven, not quite hungry enough to eat, took up her bag and slowly started sifting through her belongings. Caringly, she laid each of them out by the flickering fire, savoring their memory as the stars twinkled above.

These were the only treasures she had left to her name: Kili's iron sword he had taken on the journey with him, a long bow Bard had made her and a quiver of different arrows she had collected from battles over the years, a leather bound journal Ori had given her before leaving for Moria, and the silly, scratchy blanket Annúndir had given her for her first night without Kili.

She only kept two pieces of jewelry she had inquired over the years. First, there was the cuff Dain had given her that very day with the same runes of the stone she had left beside Kili years ago and, secondly, a necklace Bain had given her the night of his coronation. Gently, she picked up the smooth, silk cloth that kept the necklace safe from harm and rested it on her lap.

The instant she pulled back the folds, the bright gems caught the firelight and danced in the space around her. The skillfully crafted piece was made of nothing more than silver and emeralds but all different colors filled the night.

As her slender hand caressed the priceless treasure, her thoughts drifted to that night a month or so ago.

The children she had tended to in their youth had become her companions and she had grown out of the role of mother hen long ago.

So it wasn't odd that, after she had shared fully in their loss, Bain had taken her by the hand and led them to the upper tower during the feast of the celebration of his coronation to have a moment alone with his friend.

Tauriel placed the necklace around her neck and lay back in the cool grass, closing her eyes.

"_Can you believe it? This…_" Bain had drawn his hand across the stone window in gesture to his kingdom, his sapphire eyes looking out in awe.

"_It is a great gift, indeed._" Tauriel had nodded, smiling as she gazed at the boy, now a man, who had yet to grow a full beard. His face was still as smooth as the day she had first met the bowman's son.

Tauriel and Bain had grown close as he came of age and they had become partners in crime, like her and Legolas once had been. It was hard to forget she had been his surrogate mother for years, for now she was simply his friend.

That night, Bain had turned to her with a smug look as he leaned against the open window, "_I have a gift for you._"

"_For me?_" Tauriel, who had been studying the flickering lights of the party below, turned to face her King.

Bain stood with a necklace held out between his hands, the moonlight caught the beautiful silver and made it shine like stars, "_May I?_" He asked, gesturing to her neck.

Tauriel turned and pulled back her hair as he gently placed it around her neck, "_I have done nothing to deserve such a grand gift._" She breathed, her hand gently touching the crafted gems.

Bain shrugged, fixing her hair to lay back in place, "_It is crafted by the dwarves and the gems match your eyes. Truly, it was made for you. The constantly shifting of the green gems is just like the forest, just like you._" He smiled, leaning forward so his head rested on her shoulder. Though Elves were usually taller than Men, Tauriel was short for her race and Bain was quite tall for his.

The elven archer bowed her head, "_There is something I must discuss with you._"

Bain nodded, knowing what she was about to say, "_You are leaving._" He made his way to stand before her, his soft copper eyes, just like his Father's, growing to that of a child instead of a man, "_Is there anything I can say to make you stay?_"

Tauriel caught her breath and shook her head, unable to trust her voice.

Sighing, the King leaned against the windowsill, "_What will we do without you?_" He turned back to her with a cheeky smile, "_What if I asked you to marry me? Would you stay? You would have all the power and treasure and freedom you could want!_" Bain looked back to her with pleading eyes.

Tauriel laughed through her tears, "_I am almost 13 times your age!_"

"_Mum was older than Da._" Bain smirked, folding his hands before him.

"_I highly doubt she was 584 years older._" Tauriel chided lightly, touched by his gesture to want her around, "_Besides, your life is but a blink compared to the damnation of my long years. And…_" She looked back to him with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood, "_You have yet to grow a full beard._"

"_Not true!_" He defended with a jutting of his chin, "_I just prefer a clean face, like the Elves._"

Tauriel's musical laughter trickled out and filled the small room, casting light in the dark place, "_I might have taken your offer, if you preferred the facial hair of the dwarves._" She jested to her friend.

A knowing thought filled the King's eyes, "_Aye, I bet you would have._"

Returning to the present, Tauriel smiled and held fast to the necklace.

It was one of her most prized treasured, but, just as she thought that, Broom came up and nosed her. Tauriel laughed and lovingly patted the horse's nose, "Apart from you, of course."

Broom was another gift to add to her list, a present from Bard. To show his support for the new King of Dale, Lord Elrond had gifted the King with a few of his prized mares and stallions, Broom had been the first foal born from the herd.

The mare's eyes held such a soft wisdom that Tauriel often thought of Tirnel, Annúndir's horse. Possibly, the two could be related, but there was never a way to be sure, unless she traveled to the distant kingdom.

She often thought about her kinsmen. In her thirty-three years as Adviser, she had only seen a handful of elves, and, though they had been respectful and kind, she knew she didn't truly belong to the race of Elves any longer. She was completely a friend of Man and Dwarf.

Tauriel carefully packed her treasures away, choosing to wear Bain's necklace for a while longer, and set to making dinner.

"Material things will never make up for the abstract." She mulled to herself, stoking the fire, "Companionship, love, belonging. They can't be bottled, but they are worth more than anything I will ever be able to touch."

Tauriel sat back, munching on a piece of bread while Broom ate her meal, "Maybe I should head south, to Moria. We haven't seen Ori in a couple years, I wonder if his beard has grown back since the firework accident?" She chuckled at the memory.

A twig snapping instantly silenced her. Tauriel was up with her bow poised, ready to fire, but her target was more than one arrow could handle.

At least ten elven guards surrounded her, their bows ready to fire like hers. There were probably more hidden throughout the trees, just out of sight.

Her eyes widened when she caught sight of the insignia on their banners, _Rivendell._

Tauriel loosened her string and stood up. She held her bow loosely by her side as she stowed her arrow, showing she held no threat.

"Tauriel Athelas, Adviser to the King, Friend to Dwarf and Man."

Her eyes instantly flitted to the side of the circle, where the guards had separated to let their Captain through.

Annúndir walked by with his hand raised, a silent order for his company to stow their weapons, "It's been a while, Tauriel." He stopped and bowed his head, showing her unnecessary respect.

The she-elf bowed back, "Indeed it has, Annúndir." She slowly rose back up; remembering that the last time she had seen him was when Lord Elrond had bestowed his gift of a stable upon Bard.

"Now, what would the Adviser of the King being doing all the way out here without an escort?" His tanzanite eyes brightened and a small smile played at his lips. It was as if he already knew the answer to his question.

"I am going on a journey, quite a long one, actually." She replied, gesturing to her fire, "Would you care to join me for sup?"

"I think it would be more appropriate if we extend an invitation to you for supper." Annúndir looked at the respectable meal for one Tauriel had laid out for herself. He looked back at her with a glint in his eye, "Lord Elrond wishes me to bid you a greeting"

Tauriel rose her dark brow; a grin painting across her lips, "He does?"

"Yes. Our lord has said that you are welcome in our halls at any time and that he wishes you well on your journey."

The young she-elf smiled, remembering how, when she first met Annúndir, she had believed he held a gift similar to that of Lord Elrond's foresight.

"I think…" Tauriel wrinkled her nose, feeling the last draws of hesitation as she officially stepped outside her home, "I think I will have to take your gracious lord's offer sooner rather than later."

"I'm glad to hear it." Annúndir nodded, bowing his waist and gesturing back towards their camp, "We have just finished with a visit to the Iron Hills and will be returning to Rivendell within the next couple of days, you are welcomed to join our company, but, first, you must have supper with us, so we may catch up."

Tauriel bowed back, "Very well."

She looked back to Annúndir with a soft smile, _I guess I'm going west, to Rivendell. _Her smile only grew.

XxX


End file.
